I Threw up in Buffalo Wild Wings Last Night

I decided to rewrite the classic Elton John song Someone Saved My Life Tonight. Here's the new lyrics:

When I think of those buffalo hot wings, buffalo wings

Buffalo wings are one of life's great pleasures

But Buffalo Wild Wings makes me a little unsure

The kids sit like princes and princesses while we're there

And its one more wing and we'll be outtathere

Weve all done something like it

The wing just not sitting right and digesting is a bear

I threw up in Buffalo Wild Wings last night,

I almost had that wing digested, I gave it a fight

I nearly had it eaten and swallowed

No longer hungry, sated

Reaching for a glass of beer

Wings are a butterfly

And butterflies are free to fly

Fly out of my mouth into a napkin, bye bye

I never realised the passing hours of evening showers

A slip noose hanging in my darkest dreams

Im strangled by the BWW social scene

Just a pawn out-played by a dominating wing

It was six in the evening

Damn it listen to me good

Im feeling nauseous still

Saved in time, thank God my hungers still alive

And I would have kept walking head on into the Buffalo Wild Wings

Clinging to hopes of good wings

Paying for mediocre flavor

Coupons are coming in the mail soon

I threw up in Buffalo Wild Wings last night, I threw up in Buffalo Wild Wings last night

I threw up in Buffalo Wild Wings last night, I threw up in Buffalo Wild Wings last night

I threw up in Buffalo Wild Wings last night

So save your money and go to Hooter's or The Peanut instead.

Death by Food: Man v. Donkey

My Saturday evening started off innocently enough. My friend and I met up and made our way to the Flying Saucer for some pre-game drinking. I mentioned my recent spread in Ink magazine and he brought up a big burrito challenge he saw on TV at a place in Raytown. We eventually got to the game late. The Royals gave up an early lead, Sluggerrr cock-blocked us, and we made a fourth inning exit and headed to Fiesta Azteca. Had I known I would be spending my evening trying to insert a 5lb burrito into one of my orifices, I probably would have skipped the 3 beers and hot pretzel, but sometimes you just have to step in and take one for the team.

The main show at Fiesta Azteca is a massive creation known as the El Azteca. It includes pork, chorizo and ground beef along with pico, guac, sour cream, salsa, cheese, rice and beans. When completed, the girthy beast looks something like this...


When you've spent the past two months restricting your food intake and the previous hour eating and drinking, you end up like this...


I started off by pretty much shredding the first half of the burrito for quick consumption. The first bite was delicious. The first quarter was great. Everything beyond that was hatred. I realized there would be no chance of eating the whole thing, so my main focus was finishing the half I cut. In the end, it wasn't so much a question of size, but the make-up of the mush I was eating. Looking at the mash and then shoving it my mouth became too much for my gag reflexes to take. On the extremely likely chance I ever undertake the challenge again, my first two points will be to skip the pre-meal and eat it as close to whole as possible. After admitting defeat, I found out about 30 people have completed the challenge, which nets you the meal for free along with a t-shirt. One man is even said to have done it within 5 minutes.

Somehow I had the stomach for some leftovers this afternoon, since I didn't want to write a review straight off of last night's utter feeling of disgust. The second time around was just as good as I remember those first bites of the challenge. The three different meats provide a good contrast of flavors. As I examined the contents, it also occurred to me that my hatred for sour cream may have played a role in the challenge demise since it was flowing through half the burrito, enhancing the mush factor. I was just delighted that it didn't come with the big scoops on top like you see on Man v. Food.

Even if you're not into the idea of pounding a 5lb burrito, Fiesta Azteca is worth checking out. The guys working inside were awesome. At one point the waiter came over and asked me, "How is the donkey?" I found this especially amusing since I already refer to a burrito at another local establishment as the "horse wang." Most of the reviews on Google say to avoid the menu and just ask for something special from the owner, Andreas. Sounds like a good way to get some authentic Mexican food in an unexpected KC suburb.

Crabtapular

Stella is a lot like Red from Shawshank, she knows how to get things. In this case she got a coupon for a free steampot from Joe's Crab Shack. I don't ask questions, I just assume everything is above board and legal and I take part in the free goods. I honestly think that half of my kids' clothing "falls off the back of a truck".

So we had a couple of hours sans children to get our crab on and we had to be in Olathe anyway. We had the perfect variables for dinner at Joe's Crab Shack.

When I first moved to KC from Wichita in 2001, I regularly ate at Joe's. Wichitans love them some chain restaurant food and I loved Joe's because they had the perfect dish for me called the Key West Combo. The Key West Combo featured their jalapeno poppers stuffed with crab, crab balls, fried clams and french fries, all for $7.99. It was a wonderful meal, chain or no chain, Joe's has the best jalapeno poppers in town. Then one day I went in and they no longer had the Key West Combo. I had to choose between full orders of the poppers or the crab balls (or some other entree). It was just too much for me to take and I think I've been to Joe's twice since the Key West Slaughter of '02.

When we walked in, I was shocked that it hadn't changed at all. They still sell the schticky t-shirts that I always thought Wes Port would love. We were seated in the bar area in one of those c-shaped booths like they have at Manifesto (but it's not private enough to whip it out). Stella ordered the classic steampot (dungeness crab, Alaskan snow crab, shrimp, smoked sausage, corn and potatoes) and I got the Orleans (crawfish, andouille, shrimp, corn and potatoes). I haven't had crawfish since I lived in Wichita when my friends and I used to go to this place called Brews Brothers (a now defunct cajun restaurant and beer bar) and eat pounds of crawfish, boudin, scotch eggs and jambalaya while drinking the best microbrews available in the late 90's. Stella doesn't care to eat the cockroachy (in her words) looking crawfish so I don't even know where in town I can get some.

The waiter brought us out the special bibs (with a coupon code that you can try to win a free steampot, you can get a code here, just keep trying it until you get the free steampot). I put mine on because how often do I get to wear a bib, Stella decided to big league it and just take her chances.

What we got was a big steampot like you might find at your grandma's house full of shellfish. Of course, the challenge then becomes getting the meat out. You're going to get dirty eating these things. To make it even more challenging the Orleans pot is covered in a cajun seasoning, your hands had better be as free from cuts and lesions as a john's crotch in a Nevada whorehouse or you're going to have an unpleasant experience.

Nary a word was spoken as Stella and I were cracking shells and getting the meat out. I spent a good amount of time sucking the heads (now that I'm married to a woman, this is the only time I get to suck heads) of crawfish. I went Medieval on my pot and just grabbed the sausage with my hands and ate it rather than picking up the knife and fork. It's good to get your hands dirty when eating every once in a while.Dirty hands

At the end of the meal, we were both a little tired from breaking shells but were filled up so the effort was worth it. My crawfish were tasty. The shrimp were good and the sausage was average. The best part of the meal was the parts covered in the cajun seasoning, once I got to the bottom half of the pot and the seasoning was wiped off my fingers, the shrimp didn't have much flavor. If I would have had the seasoning on the table this wouldn't have been a problem. Stella's crabs were great and she enjoyed every part of hers but the shrimp which she deemed tasteless.

The steampots range from $17.99 for the Orleans to $34.99 for the Bean Town Bake which includes two whole lobsters. Most of the steampots are $20.99 though. They have 6 different ones to choose from and they all sound pretty good. I'm looking to go back and get one with crab in it. For all it's schtick and everything, Joe's is pretty enjoyable and has at least one entree that's pretty great, the steampot.

Food Does Taste Good

So a few weeks ago I ate some chips and blogged the awful results on my personal site. Magically, a wonderful rep from Food Should Taste Good saw my post and offered to make amends for the experience. I browsed the site and picked flavors that sounded the most interesting to my palate, but limited it two so I didn't feel like a total mooch. Little did I know, I was receiving an awesome hookup of two full bags of each of those flavors along with three sample bags of some others.


Thanks to the generosity of Food Should Taste Good, I decided to spread the wealth and setup a tasting panel in the office. After all, it was a co-worker who had the misfortune of originally purchasing the Buffalo (sauce) flavored chips.

Our main mistake with the Buffalo was that the chips were bought to eat alone, while in reality they are a tortilla chip/cracker. These things need to be accompanied by another flavor. The bag says they are good enough to be eaten by themselves, but I would beg to differ. So I took some other advice from the back of the bags and supplied two of the specific items they suggest. For the Jalapeno, I grabbed some sharp cheddar cheese spread and guacamole. The Sweet Potato was accompanied by apple butter and some powdered cinnamon.

With the added ingredients, these chips begin to stand out. I don't know if you can attribute the overall flavor to the chips or the toppings, but everything tasted great. Well, aside from the store bought guacamole that was actually comprised of less than 2% avocado. I wish I would have taken a picture to share the disgusting sight with you, but I also have no desire to vomit right now. Thanks Dean's Dips!

Even without the flavor aids, all the chips we sampled were better than the Buffalo. It's hard to reconcile a bold flavor like buffalo sauce to a chip style that is not heavily flavored. Buffalo is something you look more for in a Dorito than Tostito, and these Food Should Taste Good chips align with the latter. That being said, I almost prefer these chips over a Tostito-style chip. These seem like something great to buy if you are looking to focus more on accompanying a specific dip/flavor/whatever as opposed to buying a generic chip that can be used in any dip because it has no real taste outside of being salted. The chips are hearty, taste a lot less salty and I believe in all cases are gluten and lactose free.

Of the five new varieties tried, Cinnamon did the least for me. The taste of cinnamon and sea salt was just off. I'm generally not a big fan of the sweet/salty combo, but I also don't think cinnamon is a sweet. Potato & Chive had the bang of flavor we were looking for on the Buffalo. These things are an explosion of chive flavor. Multigrain basically tastes like what you think it would. Jalapeno is my favorite and a nice tortilla chip with bits of jalapeno baked in. While there isn't a lot of heat in the flavor, you definitely know you are eating something that tastes like jalapenos rather than being flavored to heat your mouth. The Sweet Potato may be the most diverse of them all. I never really noticed the sweet potato flavor until eating another chip and going back to it. It tastes decent and could easily be used with a mild salsa or something sweet like apple butter.

Overall, the experience was a nice treat and got me to look deeper at the product. It's amazing how just a little customer service can bring someone from slamming your company on a random blog to enjoying and touting the product.

Chinese Economy

Last year around this time Kansas City Lunch Spots informed white people across the metro about the existence of a Chinese menu at Chinese restaurants. I've known about this phenomenon for many years thanks to accompanying a Korean girl to restaurants for a couple of years in the late '90's. Virtually any Chinese, Thai or Korean has a menu specifically for those of the ethnicity. But white folks can have this menu too, technically it's against the law for them to deny it to you.

I've only found it worth my while to get the menu for Koreans on rare occasions and I don't know what I'd even want off an authentic Chinese menu. But sometimes it's fun to peruse the ethnic menu.

Anyway, a couple of economics bloggers I read tried to sum up the economics of keeping the Chinese-only menu secret.

1. Path dependence (a): Americans have some very set though inaccurate ideas about what “Chinese food” really is. They will generally balk at anything else. More people will break this way, and avoid the restaurants, than will break my way, and go to them more often, if they are offered something new and different.

2. Path dependence (b): Setting up a restaurant is a ton of work. Someone or some entity tells Chinese restaurants what they must to sell to appeal to Americans, and all the restaurants are following the same bad advice. The agent(s) to blame aren’t as subject to market forces because Chinese immigrants have fewer contacts than most others in America. If this seems speculative, consider how few different brands of chopsticks you’ve seen at Chinese restaurants, from the fabulous ones to the truly wretched. There aren’t that many.

3. I hate to bring up the obvious, but… chauvinism. Chinese people have certain ideas about Americans, including that our culinary tastes are incredibly narrow. Obviously, this may be partially true, given (1) above.

4. The high costs of offering so many different dishes. I’m skeptical of this one, because Chinese people are usually offered the Chinese menu, if there is one, while Americans get the American menu. The costs of being able to prepare the dishes are in place either way.

Tyler Cowen offers this.

I would add that perhaps many Chinese restaurants do not want too many non-Chinese customers. Especially for immigrants, restaurant life is often about ambience, social contacts, and feeling you have a space to call your own. A restaurant cannot be all things to all people and the #1 best way of judging a restaurant is to look at its customers. The "beef with broccoli" menu will attract a certain kind of American customer, but without breaking down the sense of segregation and the basic Chineseness of the place.

That said, there is also the fear that the American customers will order from the secret menu and then not like the chicken feet, etc. and give a bad report to their friends.

I think they're both overthinking it. I would submit that the Chinese proprietor knows that Mary Homemaker has no interest in an authentic Chinese meal, they just want their beef and broccoli takeout.

Fish and Frites

A couple of weeks ago everyone in my building got a $5 off coupon and menu from Harry's Country Club. This was a welcome change from the JCCC Continuing Education catalogs I usually find in my work mailbox. Since then, I have been walking around telling my work colleagues just how wonderful Harry's is. I've spent a good amount of time disparaging that girl that said bad things about Harry's on "Check, Please!" I've talked about the great happy hour, the burger that I love and the multitude of beers. But, I hadn't used my coupon. Yet.

I had been saving my coupon for a Friday when they have fish and chips as a daily special. I order fish and chips a lot around town, I'm typically disappointed. But, unlike the Cuban sandwich, I've had really good fish and chips. It keeps me coming back for more.

I made plans with Buttery Nipple to head over there which entailed talking him out of eating lunch at The Flying Saucer (where he would live if they would let him). He only agreed if I would drive over there because his delicate little legs can't walk the 8 blocks.

The hostess seated us inside. The bar was about 3/4 full and the patio had to have at least 4 or 5 tables filled. Harry's is quite the bustling lunch spot. In all my time downtown, I had never eaten at Harry's for lunch, I didn't know how crowded Harry's was going to be.

Every other time I've been to Harry's I've had an adult beverage, but since this was lunch and I'm not much of a lunch drinker I decided to try the fresh squeezed lemonade. I love a good glass of lemonade, especially on a hot day like it was on Friday. I hadn't realized when I ordered my lemonade that it was $2.95 for a single glass, but it was quite tasty but had a little more of a tart bite to it than I find ideal. I almost got a refill for a buck but decided against it.

In addition to the fish and chips special they had a barbecued pulled pork sandwich special. I kept my willpower strong and stayed with the the fish and chips, marking the first time in my personal history that I've turned down a pulled pork special. Luckily Buttery Nipple ordered it so I could see just how fabulous it was.

When my fish and chips came out I was a little disappointed that I only got 2 pieces of fish instead of 3 and one of the pieces was about half the size of the other. Also, calling this dish fish and chips is not really accurate, it was more like fish and frites, because the fish was accompanied by Harry's regular shoestring style fries. This is okay by me because shoestring fries are my favorite style and Harry's does them well with a good crisp to them. Before I start my raving I will add one other criticism, the lemon that came on the plate was cut as a cocktail garnish. I actually had the same kind of cut lemon on my glass of lemonade. I would have preferred a proper lemon wedge.

Those minor points aside, the fish was perfect. I've long judged fish and chips by how much I reach for the malt vinegar. These fish were so good, I almost forgot to ask for some. I only asked for malt vinegar because I found it odd the server didn't bring it to me in the first place. Every bite of the fish, though, was a delight. The batter wasn't greasy, it offered a nice little bite to it and had nice flavor. I did salt it a little and brought out even more flavor. I tried a bite with some malt vinegar on it as well, but I enjoyed the bites without malt vinegar so much more. The fish inside was still juicy and was perfectly cooked. I don't know if these are the best fish and chips in KC, but I submit that they are a finalist.

Buttery Nipples pulled pork sandwich looked good and he enjoyed it. I'm glad I went with the fish and chips especially since I'd had such a great pulled pork sandwich the day before. The only bad point about Buttery Nipple's lunch was the baked beans which he took one bite of and said "straight from the can". We surmised that it was probably a can of Bush's baked beans (has anyone ever really enjoyed a can of baked beans?), but a can nonetheless.

Even with my coupon, my lunch tab with tip was $12. But the fish and chips was so good that I'll go back next Friday (and probably won't get the lemonade) and many more Fridays to come. My quest for the best fish and chips won't end, but I know I have a favorite in the clubhouse.

Barbecue Border War

I thought to myself this morning, by golly I’m going to go to Adam’s Rib for lunch today. So I did. I headed over and found out they have a lunch special for $5.99. Mind you, it was impossible to tell what the special entailed since it wasn’t on the signs, but it was a lunch special. I had to ask at the counter what the special was. It turns out it was a single meat sandwich with your choice of fries, beans, potato salad or cheesy cornbread for $5.99. That is a great deal.

I got a pulled pork sandwich and fries, my standard barbecue order and brought it home. I should mention that they’ve changed the ordering system since the last time I went. You now walk in and go straight to the register right in front of you. I was a bit confused this time because I started to walk to the one to the side of the door. Again Adams Rib has made a fool of me when I’m just trying to get my lunch.

I was once again amazed at the amount of food I got. The sandwich is a little smaller with the lunch special than I remember the regular sandwich being, but that’s okay with me. The other one had too much meat for me to ingest. Included in the to go box was a ridiculous amount of fries. They have also added a hot barbecue sauce which is greatly appreciated because I don’t think much of their regular barbecue sauce.

With the spicier sauce added onto the pulled pork sandwich, it was nearly flawless. It was quite juicy and flavorful without being the wet ball of goo the sandwich turned into last time. The bread/pork ratio was great and I was impressed with how great the sandwich worked. The fries were wonderfully crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside. Dipped into the spicy barbecue sauce they became wonderful French treasures.

Needless to say, Adams Rib has stepped up their game after being open for a couple of months. My barbecue decision when I’m home has now become quite complicated between RJ’s Bob-Be-Que and Adams Rib. My house is almost right in between the two of them, they both have great specials, the food is excellent in both places and the service is equally friendly. They both even have gentle giants working at them, RJ’s has Big Dave and Adams Rib has a big dude (at least 6’4”/250) behind the counter. I think they need to have a wrestling match to determine the BBQ king of JoCo.

I think with Adam’s Rib hitting their stride, I think a case can be made that the Kansas side has better barbecue than the Missouri side. Kansas has what I feel is the best barbecue in the metro with Oklahoma Joe’s. RJ’s is really good as is Adams Rib. Missouri has the big 2 in Gates and Arthur Bryant’s and then there’s LC’s (we’re going to leave Jack Stack out of this because they have big locations on both sides of the state line, Gates and Bryant’s do too, but they are iconic KCMO restaurants). LC’s is really expensive for what it is and good luck getting out of Gates and Bryant’s for under $10. RJ’s and Adam’s Rib might not be quite up to that quality, but they’re really close (they’re just missing the history) and are a couple of dollars cheaper. Plus, service at the 3 best Kansas barbecue restaurants puts the Missouri restaurants to shame. They’re downright rude at LC’s, they hurry you through at Bryant’s and Gates employs schtick.

To me, I’d rather have Kansas barbecue than the Missouri counterpart. Maybe I’m crazy. I still think Bryant’s is the second best barbecue in town and Gates third. But going to either of those 2 is a pain in the ass and I’m liable to be treated like crap while there. For marginally worse barbecue I can be virtually guaranteed good service and a better value.

I know there are many barbecue places on both sides of the state line and I don’t pretend to have visited them all. But 90% of the time, I’m going to eat at one of the 6 I listed here or Jack Stack. For me, I think I’d rather eat barbecue in Kansas.

I should also mention that Adam's Rib is holding a Man V. Food type competition among local "celebrities" on Saturday. The celebutestants are going to try and wolf down a 10 pound brisket burger in 20 minutes. The winner gets the proceeds of the event to go to the charity of their choice.

Rice and Beans Cafe

Chimpotle and I met up for a little KCK adventure to the Rice and Beans Cafe (719 Central). I had heard that the Rice and Beans Cafe made the best Cuban sandwich in town. A good Cuban sandwich has been my white whale. I'm a lover of pork products so a sandwich that combines 2 great preparations of pig, ham and roast pork. There's all kinds of preparations but all Cuban sandwiches contain mustard and pickles. I've never had a good one though. Maybe that means I don't like them or maybe it means I just haven't had the right one yet.

I was up for putting the Rice and Beans Cafe up to the test. As I was looking at the Rice and Beans menu, I noticed a sandwich I'd never heard of before, a tripleta which is a Puerto Rican sandwich. Everyone's heard of a Cuban, I was going to make like Columbus and "discover" a sandwich a native people already loved. Chimpo and I decided to share our sandwiches (they're cut in half) so we could have one of each.

I made my way over to 7th and Central (a full 8 minutes from downtown) in KCK and drove around the area a couple of times to find a place to park. I was able to find a spot on the street next to some sort of pregnancy clinic. I walked up to the Cafe and had to work some mojo to get in the door without having the window air conditioner (placed right above the door) drip water on me*. I've found this is a KCK staple, El Pollo Rey also has a leaky area that you have to watch when walking up.

*You can see a picture of what I'm talking about here as well as some great pictures of the food and menu. I tried to take a picture of the air conditioner, but there was literally a homeless looking guy standing just within the shot drinking a paper sack covered can of beer. I took a picture but tried to make it obvious that I wasn't taking a picture of him and missed the shot I was going for.

I sat down at the long counter that spanned the length of the restaurant, maybe about 12 barstools long. They also had 3 or 4 tables for 2 spanning the far wall. It was the perfect size for a good lunch spot which is what they are since they close at 4 on most days. The waitress helped me almost immediately and got me my water and a menu. Chimpo walked in and he was helped immediately as well. As we sat there enjoying some Latin music we placed our orders, the tripleta for me and the Cuban for Chimpo. The cook in the back told the waitress that he didn't have the fixins for the tripleta, so I ordered the Cuban instead. I was then told that they could make the tripleta after all if I still wanted it. Confused as to what to do, I said I would take the tripleta.

Having never had a tripleta before, I don't know if what I got was actually a tripleta or a tripleta type sandwich made with the makings they had. A tripleta is basically a Cuban sandwich with steak and caramelized onions in addition to the ham and roast pork. I think the steak I was served had been placed in an oven and forgotten about for a couple of days. It was awful and very well done, I'm surprised it wasn't just ash. I took the steak out of the sandwich and was left with my very own Cuban.

My Cuban sandwich was really pretty good, but if this was the best Cuban sandwich in KC, I'm going to quit ordering Cuban sandwiches. I enjoyed it, but I enjoy a lot of food that is much more consistently good.

The best part of eating at Rice and Beans Cafe, though, is the sandwiches are served with fried plantains which are much more tasty than french fries. I wished that I would have been given more than 2 of the crab cake sized plantains because I really enjoyed them. Our service was great and the waitress seemed like she genuinely cared whether we enjoyed our meal. I didn't have the heart to tell her the steak was awful. I think she knew because I think I she charged me a little less than the menu price. I got out of there for a little over $10 and they do take plastic which is a relief.
I think Rice and Beans Cafe is definitely a place you should try, but I think they can do some things a little better. A look at their menu gives you the impression they don't know what they want to do, it's all over the place. It has Venezuelan (I think the owners are Venezuelan as it used to be called the Venezuela cafe and they had a fun picture of a naked Hugo Chavez reaching out to Karl Marx hanging on the wall, I don't know if they were being ironic or what, I found the whole thing amusing), Cuban, Puerto Rican and other latin american specialties along with items like roast chicken and fried chicken. I didn't know if the fried chicken was like Popeye's or if it was some latin american spice fried chicken. Since most places in that area are Mexican or some other country specific, the Rice and Bean Cafe might be able to fill a little niche.

Noodles & Company kind of does what I think the Rice and Beans Cafe should do. They categorize their menu into countries or regions so you know what kind of food you are going to order. I think Rice and Beans should do the same thing, categorize their food into Cuban, Venezuelan, Puerto Rican etc. sections. That way they can have about the same menu and make it a little easier to comprehend. The menu is really full and has something for everyone including an Indian canoe which sounds like some horrid sex act involving curry. You can find the menu and daily specials here.

Pierpont's in Four Courses

Stella had her choice of Kansas City for her 30th birthday dinner (a week late, we actually went to Buffalo Wild Wings with the kids on her actual 30th birthday). She chose Pierpont’s, one of our favorite restaurants where we ate a lot when we were courting and I believe we went there on our 1st anniversary. We’ve been back a couple of times since then but I think only for drinks and dessert.

She chose Pierpont’s mainly because of the 4 course tasting they have right now. For $30 you get a 4 course meal made up of small plates. We each got to choose an appetizer, salad, entrée and dessert. For $20 more you can get a wine pairing with each course. I don’t know if that means the sommelier* will pick out a wine for you or you get to pick your own wine with your course. I would prefer the sommelier.

*My favorite sommelier experience happened at Pierpont’s about 5 years ago. The sommelier was trying to do recommendations for a table of older people that were not very wine savvy (to be kind). He had them try a merlot, something real accessible just so he could get a gauge of what they enjoyed. None of them liked it and he asked what they’ve had before that they enjoyed. One of the older ladies hemmed and hawed and asked her husband something to the effect of “what was that wine we had that time, white something?” The husband didn’t know and the sommelier asked “white zinfandel?” The lady said “Yes, that’s it, it was so nice, I think it was Sutter Home”. I thought then (when I wasn’t that much more wine savvy than the people at that table) that sometimes it must really suck to be a sommelier.

Stella had made reservations for 5:30 so we could make the 7:15 showing of “Funny People” at the AMC Mainstreet. Stella loves making reservations but I always find it funny that we have reservations and the restaurant is only half full (at best), but she doesn’t like to leave things to chance. We got seated in the main room with the bar on the other side of the divider. I’ve never sat in there before and would prefer to not sit in there again. The main dining room or downstairs are a lot quieter and more intimate. The bar area is loud and people are always walking by.

Our waitress got us our menus, informed us there were no off menu specials and told us about the 4 and 5 course tastings. We told her we were going to get the 4 course tastings and she tried to sell us on the crab cakes for the appetizer. We had 5 choices for the appetizer and all sounded appealing. I love crab cakes and Pierpont’s makes great ones, the lobster firecracker sounded great, mussels were definitely an option, calamari was probably my last choice just because I can get calamari almost anywhere and it doesn’t do much for me. But, I’d never had beef Carpaccio and I like to try new things at quality restaurants that I trust. If I really like the item at the good restaurant I can add it to the list of things I can order at restaurants I’m trying. It’s a good way to expand your palate.

I chose the Carpaccio and Stella chose the calamari (which she’d never had before). The Carpaccio was pretty good, I have nothing to compare it to, but I enjoyed it. I suspect I would have liked the crab cake more but the Carpaccio pleased me. It came with about 6 slices of the beef tenderloin, spinach, parmesan, truffle oil, red onion and some basalmic with 3 little toasts slices. Stella’s calamari had a real light breading and was flash fried and came with a really good horseradish cream sauce and a tomato coulis that didn’t have much flavor. The best part of hers was the fried spinach leaves. The calamari was really tasty as well.

For our salad course, I chose the grilled pineapple salad and Stella did as well. However, when ordering Stella pronounce pineapple salad “spinach salad” and by golly she got a spinach salad. It should be noted that the waitress will bring you the food you order, not the food you meant to order. I was a little disappointed in my pineapple salad which had baby greens, crisp prosciutto di parma chips and raisins in addition to the pineapple. The salad was great when I got some pineapple in my bite, but there were only 4 cubes of pineapple in the salad so I had to ration it. If the pineapple had been cut into smaller chunks I would have enjoyed the salad much more than I did.

For the entrees, I got the lamb chops continuing my streak of only ordering lamb and pork at fine dining restaurant. I really love lamb chops, the best ones in KC (that I’ve had) are at Il Centro. I had some reservations about the lamb chops at Pierpont’s because I didn’t really want cannellini beans and swiss chard as a side. The asparagus and whipped potatoes that come with the Filet Oscar were more up my alley that night. But I’ve had the Filet Oscar a bunch of times and was in the mood for something new. Stella talked me into the lamb chops pointing out that it’s stupid to order an entrée based on the sides. Stella got the lobster bouillabaisse which sounded great in its own right.

I was right to be wary of the cannellini beans as they kind of dominated the plate. When you’re getting small plates, you want to eat everything on the plate and the beans ended up being a little much for me. They were fine, I’m just not that big a fan of the cannellini. The lamb chops weren’t that great but I blame myself because I ordered them medium instead of rare, another case of the waitress bringing us what we ordered instead of what we meant to order.

Stella’s lobster bouillabaisse was astoundingly good. It was filled with mussels, shrimp, white fish, scallops and, of course, lobster tail in a tomato-chardonnay broth. If I were a fish this is how I’d want to go out. I want to go back to Pierpont’s just so I can have more than the one bite of this that I got that night. If they’d let me, I’d like to climb into the pot they make it in and bathe in it. I don’t know when the next time we’ll make it to Pierpont’s for dinner, but I have a new favorite dish there that I need to experience a full serving of.

For dessert I got the white chocolate bread pudding. Desserts don’t do much for me, but I do really enjoy bread pudding and Pierpont’s bread pudding is one of my favorites. It even has a bit of flair with it as they pour Bacardi 151 over it and light it on fire. It’s not often you get to see your food on fire. Stella got a chocolate caramel peanut butter torte which sounds like it’s got too much going on already before you consider that it comes with fried plantains, apricot coulis and banana lissi (which is like Shatto banana milk). My bread pudding had a melba sauce and was topped with a couple of peach slices. It was all delicious except maybe the plantain chips which didn’t have much flavor.

I was pretty happy to learn that one meal at Blanc and one meal at Pierpont’s got us to the $150 mark on my KC Originals card earning me a free $10 at any KC Originals participating restaurant. Both meals were well worth it. Pierpont’s left me a little disappointed overall, but I think with some more attention paid to ordering correctly and getting the lobster bouillabaisse all of my minor disappointment will be washed away.

As a side note, I’m going to be going back some time in the next week to try the $5.95 steakburger with parmesan steak fries. That is a really good deal for a good steakhouse burger.

Yummo Street Food

It appears that Yummo has closed up for good. I was in there Monday or Tuesday for a froyo and noticed that only half the flavors were there and the toppings bar was only half filled. I guess they were just selling through the rest of the froyo.

What’s going in next? I don’t know, but I can tell you what I’d like to see. I think they hit a homerun by selling the Korean BBQ tacos. The 3 tacos for $2 was a great deal and tasted great too. I think even if they were $1/taco I would still go once a week. But I would expand on the idea and make it into a street food stand.

I don’t know how much this idea is inspired from this weeks “No Reservations” special on street food, probably not much since I thought of it last week. But I would really like to pick up corn dogs, tacos, Korean tacos, grilled chicken, gyros, kebabs, some kind of meat on a spit etc. from the place. I’m assuming Rob Dalzell still holds the lease to the place and I trust he could come up with a simple 10 item menu.

The Power and Light district has nothing like this within its confines. The sausage carts are set up across 13th and many people don’t carry the cash necessary to engage in commerce with the carts. Street food with a little bit of ethnic flair could be a big seller, especially after 10 PM. A nice size lunch crowd hits the block where Yummo is so it would get plenty of eyeballs. Not everyone has time for a sit down lunch so street food is a great option. Plus, there’s plenty of places to sit in the area so you can turn much of the retail space into cooking area.

Rob could also create some P&L branding and call it ChefStreet. ChefStreet right next to ChefBurger (Rob’s other P&L place) could become a destination for grilled meats.

I don’t know, maybe I’m crazy but I’d much rather see ChefStreet than something like Panera.

Real Big Problem

If you have never been to El Camino Real, you are doing yourself a favor. Not only am I out $6.50 for lunch, but I have lost all sorts of productivity throughout the afternoon because I can't stop smelling my hands.

Fat City lists El Camino as the best cheap taco in the city. Meesha did some incredible reporting on their operation, featuring the first pictures of food I ever contemplated pleasuring myself to.

Sour creaming myself on the side

But getting back to the issue at hand...it has been 4 hours since I went to El Camino for lunch, and my hands still smell of fresh-made, corn tortillas. The grease must just sink into your skin and never let go. Co-workers have washed their hands multiple times with little success. I'm scared to touch myself when using the restroom for fear that my wife will think I've been humping on a ball of masa again.

About the only good things to come out of this experience is a belly full of al pastor and being able to legitimately ask co-workers why they keep smelling their fingers.

Man Versus Food

Season 2 of Man v. Food premieres tonight on the Travel Channel at 9PM CST. If your unfamiliar with the show, it's basically your run of the mill food show where a guy goes to a city and partakes in the different local cuisines. It's just that the last segment involves the host being submitted to some type of eating challenge involving sheer capacity or heat tolerance. The host, Adam Richman, may be one of the most annoying men to be given a show, so I never really feel bad for the suffering he must go through.

Annoying host aside, the show is pretty easy to enjoy if you like seeing the limits people will push their GI tract to in order to get a free meal and/or t-shirt. Heck, sometimes you even get your picture put on a wall where your friends will never be able to find it without you being there to point it out.

I'll be live tweeting tonight's episode, which involves "a burger 300 times hotter than a jalapeno" in San Antonio. It will likely involve me being a hater and how much better I would be at the challenges had I not been stricken with deadly, arthritic gremlins.