Three Little Pigs...in my belly

I have a couple of moments in my life where I will always remember where I was when it happened. When the space shuttle exploded in '86 I was on the rings in gym class executing an iron cross, Coach came out of his office and told the class about the tragedy (I've never done another iron cross out of respect for the astronauts and the fact that I don't weigh 68 pounds anymore). Of course, on 9/11 I was sleeping in a little and heard it on the sports radio show after the second plane hit. Those, of course, were tragedies, but the newest lifetime memory was a very happy occasion, I was sitting on my couch drinking a Bully Porter and watching “No Reservations” (ironically my wife was watching the movie “No Reservations” when I got home from work) when I saw the most amazing sandwich I've ever seen in my life.

For those that didn't see the episode yet, the Three Little Pigs sandwich contains a breaded and fried pork tenderloin topped with smoked ham and bacon. As if that isn't enough it's covered in melted Gruyère cheese and topped with 2 fried eggs, sunny side up. All of this was served on a brioche bun that looked hearty enough to handle the weight and served with some delicious looking fries. This sandwich makes the bacon explosion look like some sort of gimmick.

I call upon restaurateurs in Kansas City to quickly copy this sandwich and put it on your menu. I will come and eat it. In the meantime, I may have to make a drive up to the Silver Palm restaurant in Chicago and get my fill of the Three Little Pigs.

Jason is a Beefeater

I'm starting a new feature on this blog where I publish my comments from a restaurant's complaint form. I don't have a name for this feature yet, so if you'd like to offer one, leave a comment.

Today, I decided to give Jason's Deli a try. I intended to go to the Sub-Par Steak Co., but couldn't pull the trigger, deciding on Jason's Deli instead (they're in the same building downtown). I ordered the Beefeater, a roast beef sandwich with au jus. These are the comments I left on their feedback form.

I ordered a Beefeater po'boy and on the menu it says specifically that it comes with mayo and, most importantly, a cup of au jus. What I got was a roast beef sandwich with no mayo and no au jus. In my mind, the au jus is what makes the sandwich and what I had when I opened up my bag was an inedible lunch.

You may ask why, didn't you go back to get some au jus, and my answer would be that it's 30 degrees out, I have a small cold, and it's a couple of blocks to walk. Not to mention, the time commitment to walk it, acquire au jus, walk back and come back to my no longer hot meat sandwich.

This was just a completely disappointing lunch. This lunch brings my streak to 3 at Jason's. 3 straight disappointing lunches.

Glory Day at Subway

I'm a frequent eater at the Subway in the food court at 12th and Main. A Subway in which I've never received a greeting, a thank you or any words that make me think that my business is appreciated. It is simply the Subway with the worst customer service in town.

Like any frequent Subway customer, I had my favorite sandwich artists. But, in this Subway, favorite is a relative term because the best one is no better than the worst one at a normal Subway. Over the years, I've noted the 5 different people employed and sometimes skip my sandwich altogether if the rotation isn't right or if the lady with needle marks and scabs is touching the meat or produce.

But, today when I got my sandwich, I was treated to a whole new crew. None of the old crew was visible. One of the new people even said hi to me. Unprecedented! Also, the new guy threw a new procedure at me, he cut my cold cuts in half and folded them together before placing them on my bread. This way the meat doesn't hang over the sides like a turned out sorority girl after a roofie at a frat party. Not since the cessation of the v-cut has Subway made the sandwich less trampy (and no, I don't put mayonnaise on my sandwich).

One other thing about Subway today was the absence of a line. Usually, the line is about 10 deep. I think it's the new crew getting the sandwiches made a little faster, but I could be wrong.

Good riddance, old Subway crew. I think we should stick to the new crew.

QT Ham and Cheddar on Pretzel Bread

I don't typically eat at QuikTrip, maybe and occasional sausage, egg and cheese biscuit on a morning when I need to fill up the car on my way to work. But, I definitely don't make it a habit. I am, however, a regular QT customer, frequently buying fountain drinks and coffee. When I first heard about the QT Web Group, I immediately joined up. For those not in the know, being in the QT Web Group entails filling out a survey once a month or so, it literally takes about 5 minutes. The surveys are actually kind of interesting because you can get an idea of things they are thinking about such as drive-thrus and car washes. In exchange for giving your feedback each month, you get a coupon for something. I have a sweet slushie refillable cup with a divider that allows me to get 2 flavors of slushie at one time because of one of my coupons. Sometimes the coupon is for something kinda crappy and I don't end up using it.

Well, all of that preamble was to clue you in to the fact that I didn't actually purchase my QT Ham and Cheddar on Pretzel Bread, nor would I ever. But I can't say that I wasn't intrigued when I first saw it. The ham and cheddar is what QT calls a Hotzi sandwich and is available at the front of the store, already cooked and wrapped up. You walk in, grab one and pay for it and you're out of the store in 1 minute.

I got mine and brought it home. At no point in unwrapping it and photographing it did it look at all appetizing. At no point while eating it did I find it appetizing. It isn't that it tasted bad, it's that it had no taste. About halfway through the sandwich I started to actively hate it and had trouble chewing it and most of all had trouble swallowing. I finally had enough and threw out the last third of the sandwich. I didn't even want it in the house so I grabbed the entire trash bag and took it out to the garage trash can.

After a couple of more minutes, I knew that this wasn't going to just be a bad lunch. This was going to be an incident. I went in the bathroom and let the sink have it. That's right, the sandwich was so bad I threw it up.

Don't buy one of these things! It will ruin your day. I'm an hour and a half removed from the incident and just thinking about eating makes me want to throw up again. I guess the QT Ham and Cheddar on Pretzel Bread could be an integral part of an unhealthy weight loss scheme. So it has that going for it.