Domino's Diet

You ever have a really great idea, look forward to implementing it and then having it ruin your life? And no, I'm not talking about getting married and having kids. Well it happened to me and you probably already read what Chimpo had to say about it.

I had an idea to have a pizza party taste test to see which of the new Domino's regional pizzas was the best (there was another component to this idea that may implemented in the future, it can't go any worse). I hadn't had Domino's pizza in years, probably when I was in college. I think it's safe to say I will never have Domino's again.

Owen from Fat City helped us out on this one by purchasing all of the food and giving us access to the Pitch offices to eat. Owen decided not to get more than one of the pizzas and added in the penne and cheese bread bowl. Had I been carrying a shiv, I would have shivved him in the upper thigh. I knew I was in trouble when the very sight of the bread bowl made me gag. I had Owen place a trash can near me in case it was needed.

I waded into the water and tried the Memphis barbecue pizza chicken first thinking how bad could the pizza be. It was the best part of the meal which is the only positive thing I can say about it. The chicken on the pizza tasted like the chicken that died for this pizza spent his life smoking cigarettes and getting punched. I couldn't even chew it. As Owen and I were throwing pieces of semi chewed pizza in the trash can one of the other Pitch employees asked us if food reviewers regularly spit the food out so they can eat more. We both replied that we do only when the food is repulsive. I thought I could eat the whole piece if I picked the chicken off. I gave it a valiant effort but about halfway in I had to toss the rest. I think I maybe swallowed one bite.

I then jumped into the deep end and tried the penne and cheese bread bowl. How bad could penne and cheese be you ask? Pretty goddamned bad. The pasta was flavorless and the cheese was revolting. The bread was basically covered in garlic salt and I've enjoyed licking a salt lick more than I enjoyed eating that bread. I lasted one bite.

So, we had one pizza and one bread bowl and six people. We had about 1/2 of the bread bowl and 3 pieces of pizza left when we were done. If each of us were to rate the meal on a scale of 1-10, the cumulative total probably wouldn't break double figures.

I didn't know how to feel about this, I was confused, bewildered, scared, nauseous and angry. You ever watch America's Funniest Home Videos (AFV, for those of us in the know)? There's always a clip of some dummy falling on an entertainment center or table or shed and breaking it and to most people it's kind of funny. But, to me, in my head, I'm thinking these people have to go out and buy a new entertainment center or table or shed. I wonder where they'll get the money, it doesn't look like they can afford it. It's one of the few things I haven't been able to shake from growing up, where if we broke something in the house, we just did without that item. So after eating that bread bowl I was thinking about some poor family that doesn't get to eat out or have restaurant food very often. I thought about them ordering this and having to throw it away because it was just awful. It makes me feel bad just knowing that that happens. I'm just amazed that Domino's would even serve the bread bowl, it's not subjectively bad, it's objectively bad. I don't think it's possible that someone could enjoy it.

But there is a silver lining in that cloud. After eating the penne and cheese bread bowl, I've been unable to eat anything. I've almost vomited 4 or 5 times thinking about it. Nothing sounds good to eat. Seeing food makes me nauseous. I'm absolutely starving, but I don't envision me eating anytime soon. I'm going to lose 10 pounds out of this deal. I just hope I can drive home without passing out.

Give us this day our daily bread bowl

Yesterday, the KC Hot Beer Blog sat down to break a bread bowl in the Fat City. To be honest, I walked into the experience fearing one thing while leaving completely devastated by another.

My posts on this blog and any picture you might see of me provide enough for you to know that I do not live a healthy lifestyle. I'm under 30 and have gout. I know I need to make changes in my life and what I eat, but have never cared enough to put in a serious effort. I got married. I had a daughter. I ate roughly 10 foods on a stick in front of them less than a month ago. It was probably going to take a serious illness to make me change my ways until yesterday. Yesterday I saw death, and it was a Domino's Bread Bowl.

Don't let the heavenly aura fool you

This 3-cheese pasta bowl would be better labeled as a crime against humanity. If you have eaten a whole one of these and/or enjoyed it, you are the fattiest of fatties and have no taste buds or regard for your own life. The food scientists at Domino's should be criminally charged. I firmly believe they must be foreign because no American would have the level of desire to kill their own countrymen as the people who designed this.

It's pasta inside of bread. It's covered in nacho cheese and topped with two types of shredded cheese to give the baked macaroni & cheese look. With the nacho cheese, I wonder why they stopped at two carbs rather than three. Maybe a nice crumbling of tortilla chips to add some crunch. The chip shards could cut open the esophagus of the fatties eating it and kill them faster.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only one there who didn't spit out all or a portion of the bread bowl. I was graced with the overwhelming urge to vomit for about a half an hour shortly after eating it. It effectively ruined my evening and possibly food in general for the rest of my life.

Yummo Tacos

I noticed as I was walking about the Power & Light district today that the Yummo soup sign said that they were no longer serving Souperman soups at the Yummo store (both places owned and operated by Rob Dalzell). It also advertised $2 FroYo ($3.50 with toppings) apparently abandoning the pricing by the pound which usually resulted in me having $3.75 FroYo. They also had a sandwich board out front that advertised Korean bbq tacos 2/$2. I was shocked I didn't see the modern day Tom Joad, Meesha, inside eating Korean bbq tacos (if there's something free, Meesha will be there, if there's something severely discounted, Meesha will be there).

I had various lunch thoughts in my head before I saw that sign. They were all abandoned immediately and I headed into Yummo. Rob was manning the counter. I ordered the tacos and chose the short rib meat option (pork and chicken? were the other 2 options). Rob turned around and started to prepare my tacos. Since Rob and I are old buddies I made some small talk asking why they abandoned the soup. Rob said it was too hot for soup and then he confirmed my suspiscions when he said "I have to find a way to pay Cordish rent". He was hoping to be able to sell the tacos to the drunk late night set.

As any restaurant watcher knows, when a restaurant starts abandoning concepts and trying new specials and menu items, the restaurant is probably in trouble. I've been to Yummo maybe 20 times and walked by it over a hundred times and I would guess that I've seen a customer in there 1% of the time. They may get quite a bit of business with the later night crowd, but if they're open during the day, I would think they would have customers every once in a while.

As for the tacos, they were pretty good. $2 for a somewhat filling lunch is unheard of in this day and age. The sausage carts around the Sprint Center cost $3 for a hot dog. The tacos are definitely the better option. They come with some kind of tortilla, not the same as tortillas you usually see, but tasty nonetheless. I got a generous spoonful of short rib meat and it was topped with some form of asian slaw with onions, carrots, radishes and purple cabbage. Each taco was topped with a white sauce that I can't name but it was tasty. The whole dish was quite good and had a fair amount of spice. If I had had 5 beers, I might say this was a perfect taco, but since I didn't I would point out that it was a little salty. The tacos were full of flavor though and for $2 I would recommend them. I find it hard to pick nits on a food that cost me pocket change.

You should give Yummo a try for both the yogurt and the Korean barbecue tacos. If you don't do it soon, though, they may be gone.

UPDATE: Apparently this taco deal is developing. They are only offered on Tuesday through Friday and may be 3 for $2 when you go. Blog pal Meesha has pictures and his own korean taco story here. Mention the KC Hot Blog or KC With a Russian Accent when you get your tacos and you'll get.. well you'll get nothing, but it would be nice to mention us.

El Pollo Rey

You owe the folks at El Pollo Rey an apology. Yes, you. Why, you ask? Well let me tell you utilizing a little tool called bullet points.

• Because you haven't eaten there
• Because you have wanted chicken and gone elsewhere
• Because you're still not considering eating there
• Because you've gone further for lunch
  
• Because you have a favorite chicken place and it's not El Pollo Rey
• Because you've eaten at Arby's, Long John Silvers, McDonalds or Taco Bell since May Day
• Because you think grilled chicken couldn't possibly be better than fried
• Because you've spent more than $7 on a lunch this month
• Lastly, because you're going to finish reading this before you eat there. I'll wait for you to go. Go ahead...you're going to like it. I'll be here when you get back.

Your car smells great now doesn't it? I told you you'd like it.

In case you didn't go yet let me convince you. El Pollo Rey is a grilled chicken place at 1101 Kansas Ave in Kansas City, KS. It's ridiculously easy to get to, Kansas Ave. is one of the main streets of KCK (and only 10 minutes from downtown). I found it without knowing the address, it only took me a glance at Google Maps to determine the location.

You'll go in and be a little confused because a menu or menuboard will not be found. Just know, they have 2 menu items, whole chicken dinner and half chicken dinner. They may have a 3rd choice of 6 wings but I don't read Spanish so I can't be sure what the piece of paper I saw said, but I would guess it said 6 wings. The half chicken dinner costs $6.50 exactly and contains a leg, wing, thigh and breast. I don't know how much the whole bird costs but I would guess it would be under $13.

The place consists of a counter, a wood burning grill, a cooler full of Jarritos and Mexican Coke (Coke with cane sugar instead of corn syrup) and about 5 tables. You order your meal, and if you're like me, that will be the only English you hear in your time at El Pollo Rey. They have a soccer game on the TV and Mexican music playing on the radio. This is nothing to be concerned about, it's a sign of quality.

The grill guy will throw your chicken into a styrofoam container while the counter guy gathers your rice, beans, tortillas, hot sauce and pickled red onions (they may not be pickled but they were in a plastic bag with some sort of liquid and tasted like they were pickled) and puts them in your bag. You then go on your way and enjoy the smell in the car on the way to your eating destination.

At your eating destination you will eat the best chicken you can get in KC. I ripped mine off the bone and put it in one of the tortillas and added some of the pickled onions. I wraped it up a little and dipped in the salsa making a fabulous little grilled chicken taco. The tortillas are obviously freshly made, I'm unsure if El Pollo Rey makes them or has them delivered from one of the tortilla places all along Kansas Ave. It doesn't much matter because they're fresh and fabulous. The rice is a run of the mill Spanish rice which was good, but nothing special. The beans had bits of bacon and sausage in them and were a nice side with the chicken. The salsa was great and I found myself wanting more to dip my 2 leftover tortillas into.

The pieces of chicken aren't that big so it's not a problem to eat all 4 pieces. I thought going in that I would have my lunch and dinner for the $6.50 but that wasn't the case. I'm not complaining because every bite of the chicken carried the grilled flavor that I don't think could happen with a plumper chicken. The 4 pieces made for the perfect amount of lunch.

Now get out of here and go get you some, you won't be sorry. Make sure you take some cash because they don't take the plastic.

Elbow Ice Cream

I'd been waiting in anticipation for 24 hours (since I read about it on Fat City) to get my hands on some Christopher Elbow strawberry balsamic ice cream. Stella was equally excited, aww who am I kidding, she was much more excited.

Lucky for me I got to leave work a couple of hours early today so I could drive over to Elbow instead of walking 6 blocks to sample some ice cream and bring home my pint. Unfortunately, they aren't giving samples today, they're not really well set up for it. So I only got to pick one flavor of the 12 or so they had. Normally in this kind of weather I would want something in the sorbet realm, I had my eye on the pineapple cilantro, but they were sold out of it plus all but one of the other sorbets. I really only had the choice of 6 or 7 flavors of ice cream.

I was torn between the Vietnamese cinammon and the fleur de sel caramel. I went with the fleur de sel caramel and I must say I can't imagine that being a wrong choice. It's simply wonderful. The caramel flavor is perfectly mixed in and does not overpower. It's just a wonderful ice cream.

They are only selling it until they run out and since they're out of half the flavors already I wouldn't expect it to last long. You'd better get over there quickly or you'll have to wait until next Friday as Christopher Elbow is only going to be selling ice cream on Fridays and Saturdays (I don't think they'll have too much ice cream left on Saturdays).