Tickled by a Pickle

I know of no way to say this clean, so I'm just going to go ahead and put it out there. I have the biggest pickle to give my daughter when I get home (I also picked up a mask for her at the Earth Day Event).

After my work pals and I went over to the Power and Light Earth Day event, we decided to hit up the Marquee Bar and Grill in the Mainstreet AMC. Wednesdays are half price burger days so I had a chance of getting a good burger downtown for under $10, not an easy feat since there aren't any fast food burgers downtown.

I was a bit taken aback at the ritziness of the Marquee B&G. The waiters and waitresses were dressed like waitresses at a white tablecloth restaurant and the dining room definitely looked like a formal restaurant. It was a very nice looking place. I guess if you're charging $10.50 for a burger you have to offer some degree of formality. I'd like to see how formal it seems when some douche, after a long night of boozing up Bud Lights in the bottle, wanders over from McFadden's at 2 in the morning and throws up all over his $9 biscuits and gravy (the Marquee has a late night menu and they are open until 4 AM).

Once we were seated our waitress informed us that Wednesday is also half price beer day. Woohoo! I'm not usually one for a lunchtime beer, but for half-price I might be persuaded. As I looked for something that noted what they had on tap, I noticed my boss sitting at the next table. I told my work pals “I guess I won't be having a beer after all” (not that my boss would care in any way whatsoever).

I ordered the burger they call the Swope, which is a burger “grilled to perfection” with blue cheese crumbles and bacon. I almost got the one with a fried egg, the McGee, but I didn't want to take the chance with them putting mushrooms on it, even if I ordered it without. We had already been in the restaurant for 15 minutes and service seemed slow, I didn't want to wait for them to make me another burger.

After another 15 minute wait our burgers arrived and they were monsters. But, they were the least impressive thing on the plate. The pickles were clearly the stars and probably what The Marquee wants to be known for. You know the whole pickles you get at a fair or carnival. These pickles are like that only they are cut in half and twice as long. Like The D, I don't care much for pickles, but one of my daughters loves them so I saved it to take home to her.

Also accompanying the burger was a generous portion of waffle fries. I could even see specks of Kosher salt on virtually every one. I'm not a fan of the waffle fry in general, but these were very good. They had a nice crunch and plenty of flavor which doesn't usually happen with waffle fries. The burger was very big with lettuce, onion and tomato on the side. They didn't overdo it with the blue cheese which I appreciated. I only got 2 thin slices of bacon on the burger and they were too long so I ripped them in half and it appeared that I had 4 regular slices of bacon.

I'm not going to rave about the burger. It was pretty good. If I had paid the $10.75 list price, I'd be looking for a refund, but for $5.50 or so, it was perfectly reasonable. I don't think the Swope will be on too many KC top ten burger lists but it's not an embarrassment. In fact, I will say that the blue cheese really added something which I don't usually find with blue cheese. It was a nice accompaniment for the burger, I'm glad I didn't sub out for provolone like one of my friends did. In fact, with the ability to sub out the blue cheese there is no difference between the Pendergast and the Swope other than bacon. So if you do the math, Marquee Bar and Grill prices their bacon at 25 cents. But on the late night menu, a side of bacon costs $5. I don't know, I find that interesting.

I would not recommend eating at the Marquee unless you're extremely wealthy OR are there on a half price burger day. I would also not eat there if I were in a hurry as our lunch took an hour and 15 minutes. But it is a nice looking place and the food is pretty good especially if you like pickles.

Update: If you go to the Marquee Bar and Grill website and sign up for the newsletter, you will get an email within 10 minutes offering you a free happy hour.

Please come and have a FREE happy hour party with as many guests as you can bring on Friday, April 24th! We will offer you two different times: 6pm or 8pm!

Starting at the time you choose, you and your party will drink the happy hour specials all night long!! You will drink the happy hour specials for FREE for two hours!!! Your guests will drink only $3 domestic draft beers, $4 wells, and $5 house wines. If you bring at least 10 people, you will receive two free appetizers for you and your whole party! Once 8pm or 10pm rolls around (depending on what time your party is) you will join the rest of your party and drink happy hour prices for the rest of the night!

Get Off My Menu!

I went to pick up my tax day bounty at Chick-fil-A yesterday. The tax day deal was whatever you bought on tax day you can get again for free sometime in May as long as you keep your receipt. I got a couple of value meals for Stella and the kids and a 12 pack of nuggets for myself. Now if I can keep from misplacing my receipt for a couple of weeks we can go back for a free meal.

As I was standing in line in the store (remember, I don't go through drive-thrus) I was looking at the menu board. I was kind of interested in getting a value meal for myself but I hate waffle fries so I was looking for a substitute. Then I saw perhaps the grossest thing I've seen on a menu board, a carrot and raisin salad. I don't like carrots and I'm ambivalent about raisins, but the two in combo seem unconscionable. Not only is it listed on the menu board which is gross enough, but in today's America we have to have pictures of everything. So, not only did I have to read about it I had to see a picture of something that was indistinguishable as a picture of carrots and raisins in salad form. I don't even know why they bother with the picture because any illiterate isn't going to know what it is anyway.

Also on the Chik-fil-A menu board is a chicken salad sandwich, an item I would never order. I've never had chicken salad, I have never even thought chicken salad was a good idea. But, I understand people may like it. However, the picture they use on the menu board almost makes throw up in my mouth. Does it have to look so gross? It's like seeing the stars without makeup feature in US magazine (you know you look). Sure I can see celebrities all made up but that doesn't mean we should publish them, I'm still traumatized by a Renee Zellweger picture I saw while waiting in line at Osco in 2005.
Maybe next Chick-fil-A can hang some large still pictures from Cakefarts or 2 Girls, 1 Cup to get my appetite up.

Just an aside, after I placed my order I heard the guy in the next line tell the Chick-fil-A counter guy that he read about the free deal on a blog. He then went on to tell some agonizingly long story that bored everyone who may have heard it. Just because I'm a sucker for market research, I asked the guy what blog he read about the deal on. He told me he read it on friend o' Hot Blog, Fat City. So I told him I was Owen, the author of the post, and asked him if he might be willing to come back to my place for a drink and a backrub. Luckily he declined, because I didn't really want to oil up his (presumably) hairy back. But I think I sent the message I wanted.*

*Only part of that story is true.

Re-stacking the Domino's

By now you have no doubt read the story and/or seen video of inbred Domino's employees snotting some cheese and farting on salami. Honestly folks, you have already digested worse if you eat fast food. Just be happy most of the workers are so poor they can't afford cameras to tape what they do to your food.

I just wanted to write a post thanking those employees who do get paid squat and don't ejaculate in my food. It's a thankless job, and there are plenty of good people out their grinding to get the customer exactly what they want. The whole thing reminds me of something my brother recently showed me about a Domino's order. It's kind of old, but if I missed it, maybe you did as well.

Basically, this guy tries out Domino's online ordering system and finds an option where you select your toppings per left or right half. As if the employ is actually going to pay attention to the orientation of your toppings when they box it up. The best part comes later when he discusses the option to select 'none' for cheese and sauce. He orders a "none pizza with beef left" and sure enough that's what he got. I can only imagine what the Domino's employee was thinking as he created that gift to mankind. I crack up every time I see the picture. It's definitely worth checking out if you've never seen it before.

Death by Food: Clarette Club Reuben Rolls

Death by Food is a running list of the top ten edible items in Kansas City that may possibly kill you during consumption. The higher the ranking, the more likely you should throw caution to the wind.

The Clarette Club is a bar and game hall located at 5400 Martway St. in Mission, KS. I would never recommend actually going here with the sole purpose of eating. Do you want to play some pool? Awesome place. Want to drink some cheap beer? Go for it. Thinking about cruising by for dinner? Think again.

My first and only trip to the Clarette came during the Mission Twittical Pub Crawl. Clarette was the second to last stop, and an afternoon of heavy drinking coupled with a new found interest in food exploration had me willing to go half on an order of Reuben Rolls. For those not in the know, a Reuben is a sandwich comprised of corned beef, Swiss cheese, sauerkraut and dressing on rye bread. It might look like the monstrosity to the right. Before Mission Twittical, I had successfully avoided putting any food-related item named Reuben into my mouth.

The Reuben Rolls at the Clarette Club look like this:


My first guess would be deep-fried, microwave burritos. The thought of eating a Reuben in this form made it more palatable in my drunken state. I avoided the dressing and went straight for a half of a roll. It was sort of like the child who grabs onto the side of a hot barbecue grill without considering that it might be dangerous. A hot lava tasting like Swiss cheese erupted into my mouth. The burning sensation and fried tortilla goodness really aided in helping me ignore the fact I was eating corned beef. I don't recall any sauerkraut flavor notes, which was probably for the best. I'm tempted to say they weren't half bad, but there is no way I would ever eat them while sober. But if you happen to love Reubens and cheap beer while playing a game of pool, I suggest you head down to Mission ASAP.

In summary, we have a deep-fried tortilla filled with cheese and meat accompanied with a side of Thousand Island. If that's not a enough for you, be sure to quickly dive in for a chance at second degree burns to your mouth and throat. Twice the death still isn't enough to get around the Gut Bomb, and these Reuben Rolls will enter at number two.

Yo Mochi

This weekend marked the grand opening for local frozen yogurt shop Mochi-Yo in the OneNineteen Shopping area in Leawood, KS. If you missed the coverage in most of the local papers and related internet sites, you probably did not miss the guerrilla marketing campaign that saw nightmare inducing, life-sized mochi balls hitting the streets around 119th & Roe. Seriously, I thought I was tripping balls in the middle of the afternoon with some sort of Dig-Dug flashback.

To celebrate their opening, Kirk Goza and Wes Bergmann decided to treat the entire city to a free serving of their product on Saturday or Sunday. Free tasters were passed out in the line (which was pretty short and fast moving when I showed up Saturday afternoon) and each person was given a full cup of one of the four flavors covered in all the toppings they desired.

From what I understand, they will regularly feature an original flavor along with a green tea and then have two flavors that alternate. For the opening, the two flavors were green apple and blueberry. I took a taster of the green apple, which was very green apple-y and then went with the blueberry for my full sample. Blueberry with mochi balls and Fruity Pebbles. Not really sure why I failed to snap any pictures of my creation, but it was beautiful and delicious. Mochi is not something I have had before in any form, so I wanted to give the topping a shot since it is in the name. The best way to describe them is gummi in consistancy but flavored like marshmallow. They went quite well with the blueberry.

My wife went with the green tea, which I can't say I cared for much. Of the three flavors of yogurt I tried, I would definitely rate them from best to worst as blueberry, green apple and then green tea. The wife got strawberry mochi balls, which are also down on my list. It seemed like the strawberry in the mochi brought out the rice flavor a lot more. There are also green tea mochi balls, but I think I'll stick with the original.


The Mochi-Yo facility itself was decorated nicely. Bright colors. Small interior like you see at most ice cream places. The design definitely sets it apart from the competition though. There were plenty of employees on hand for the opening event, and all of them were extremely nice and helpful. Someone got us pointed to the correct end of the line. Another took down our personal info with the promise of free birthday yogurt. Others discussed the product with us while we waited in line.

If you're still not sure if Mochi-Yo is something worth your time, I humbly submit this review by my 11-month old daughter.

So You're Telling Me There's a Chance

Joyce Smith is reporting that Trader Joe's is interested in opening in Kansas City, they just need to find the right location. This is certainly good news for those of us who really enjoy Trader Joe's.

Also, kudos to the KC Star for actually breaking a news story, no matter how insignificant. It just goes to show that newspapers aren't dead...yet.

Gusto Busto

After reading the KC Beer Blog recap of a Schlitz event at Harry's Country Club, I decided to check out a similar event at the Red X in Riverside, MO, this afternoon. I showed up about 10 minutes after the scheduled 2:30 start and was greeted by this:

That would be a table with about 6 bottles of Schlitz on ice, some display 6-packs and a bunch of plastic cups normally reserved for free food samples at Sam's Club. I waited around a bit, checking out the selection of beers for something I wanted to try, and hoping something would develop other than the sausagefest of desperate men looking for a free beer fix that was materializing before me. Eventually some guys in Schlitz jackets, who are known as Gusto Guys, showed up with some local talent in retro skank outfits.

Rather than the free pints handed out at Harry's Country Club, the folks in attendence were treated to limited shots of the new old formula Schlitz beer. Red X management made sure at one point to tell the Schlitz girls to only pour as people come up so people don't just keep drinking the samples. Overall, the event was pretty awful. I got a sticker, bottle opener and talked to somebody about becoming a Gusto Guy and getting free Schlitz.

There were also no parking issues at the Red X due to Schlitz cars. Having a huge parking lot, I imagined this stop would be the best place for them to spread the cars out for people to look at. Schlitz and/or Red X did not feel the same way.

This flaming PT Cruiser was the only hotrod in the parking lot before and after I left the location. If there is one thing Riverside has displayed to me, it's an affinity for PT Cruizers with cheap graphics. I'm thinking it might belong to the gentlemen with the Confederate Flag bandana and braided goatee who posed for a picture with the Schlitz girls. If not, it was probably the guy in the motorized cart who had one of the girls bring him over some samples.

The final event in KC is going on right now at Dirk's Bar off of I-29 & Barry Road. If you went or plan on going, hopefully you can score some free pints outside of a grocery store setting. I will be spending the rest of my evening enjoying the O'Fallon variety pack I picked up.