Death by Food: Clarette Club Reuben Rolls

Death by Food is a running list of the top ten edible items in Kansas City that may possibly kill you during consumption. The higher the ranking, the more likely you should throw caution to the wind.

The Clarette Club is a bar and game hall located at 5400 Martway St. in Mission, KS. I would never recommend actually going here with the sole purpose of eating. Do you want to play some pool? Awesome place. Want to drink some cheap beer? Go for it. Thinking about cruising by for dinner? Think again.

My first and only trip to the Clarette came during the Mission Twittical Pub Crawl. Clarette was the second to last stop, and an afternoon of heavy drinking coupled with a new found interest in food exploration had me willing to go half on an order of Reuben Rolls. For those not in the know, a Reuben is a sandwich comprised of corned beef, Swiss cheese, sauerkraut and dressing on rye bread. It might look like the monstrosity to the right. Before Mission Twittical, I had successfully avoided putting any food-related item named Reuben into my mouth.

The Reuben Rolls at the Clarette Club look like this:


My first guess would be deep-fried, microwave burritos. The thought of eating a Reuben in this form made it more palatable in my drunken state. I avoided the dressing and went straight for a half of a roll. It was sort of like the child who grabs onto the side of a hot barbecue grill without considering that it might be dangerous. A hot lava tasting like Swiss cheese erupted into my mouth. The burning sensation and fried tortilla goodness really aided in helping me ignore the fact I was eating corned beef. I don't recall any sauerkraut flavor notes, which was probably for the best. I'm tempted to say they weren't half bad, but there is no way I would ever eat them while sober. But if you happen to love Reubens and cheap beer while playing a game of pool, I suggest you head down to Mission ASAP.

In summary, we have a deep-fried tortilla filled with cheese and meat accompanied with a side of Thousand Island. If that's not a enough for you, be sure to quickly dive in for a chance at second degree burns to your mouth and throat. Twice the death still isn't enough to get around the Gut Bomb, and these Reuben Rolls will enter at number two.