Top Chef Week 2 Wrapup

I was a little bit tired watching last night's episode. A combination of factors really, I had a cold, took a decongestant and drank a Boulevard Nutcracker Ale. I was really worried I wouldn't remember anything from the show in the morning so I took more notes than I did last week. Unfortunately my notes are really just jokes I wrote down while watching the show. My favorite note being, Carla looks like Giancarlo Esposito.


This looks like it may be the year of the shaved head Top Chef. At least 3 of the chefs have a bald dome and another 3 have stubble on their head. Maybe they're all channeling their inner Colicchio. The first challenge was making hot dogs, which I would take to mean they were to create their own forcemeat sausages. I was hoping the expert was going to be Michael Ruhlman, most famous for the Cleveland episode of “No Reservations” where Bourdain declared him the king of forcemeats. Instead it was someone who owns a bunch of hot dog carts in New York, oh well, opportunity missed. Some of the competitors had a different idea of the challenge than I did, they did their take on a hot dog. The chef that made a sushi dog should have had it thrown back in her face, it just looked nasty. Padma and the guest judge looked like they had a difficult time getting some of those “hot dogs” down. I thought the Andouille dog looked the best of the reconceived “hot dogs”, but I'm a well know fan of cajun sausage. The dog with smoky bacon was a great concept, as well as the dog served with a German beer. Since I didn't get to taste any of the hot dogs, I lean towards saying that Radhika's Indian dog was the best, it was well conceived and apparently well executed.

The elimination challenge was a new kind of restaurant challenge where the chefs split into 3 groups; appetizers, entrees and desserts. They were to conceive a menu and run Colicchio's restaurant Craft serving their menu to 50 bitter chefs that didn't make it to this year's Top Chef cast. None of them were going to do the chefs any favors. Very quickly the chefs decided amongst themselves which group they were going to. I'm going to go out on a limb here, but I think at least 2 of the final 3 chose entrees (Fabio, Jeff and Stefan all chose entrees). Of the 5 that chose desserts, none will make it to the final 3. I wrote in my notes at least 3 times, some variation of “use ingredients you know, cook what you know how to cook”. When they went to the store, I knew that the girl who picked up the ostrich egg was going to have a tough time, she chose novelty over substance. I also knew that Ariane was going to have trouble because 1, she sucks and 2, she tried to play it safe. I think she had already given up.

As for the dishes that looked interesting, the sweet corn soup sounded the most fabulous. Since they filmed this season over the summer, sweet corn was a seasonal item and was just a great choice. I don't think I'm the only one who doesn't understand what Fabio did with those olives but it must have been fabulous. The judges really went ga-ga over them. The other dish that I though was well conceived was the crab salad. But since the dummy couldn't find the right kind of crab, he should have scrapped his plans and went with ingredients he knew. I don't know why the chefs get so tied to an idea that they can't get away from it. As I said before, they should be using ingredients they know, especially this early in the season where they're weeding out the weak.

I thought it interesting that Tom was expediting the orders. Jeff wouldn't last long cooking for Tom, it seemed as though Tom was wanting to throttle him for being slow, saying at one point “waiting on you again Jeff”. Why isn't there a show on TV somewhere called “Expediter” where we just watch an hour of a famous chef (it can be a new one each week) expediting orders during dinner rush. I'd watch it, you'd watch it, Bill O'Reilly would condemn it, it's a win-win for everyone, let's get this done. Jeff's saving grace was that his food was good.

This season they're doing the elimination a little differently, they call in the top 3 and bottom 3 at the same time. The competitors don't know to which group they belong, leading to a great moment where Fabio was apologizing for his dish when, in reality, his was their favorite of the week. In my tired state I wrote in my notes, “Fabio not understanding de show bizness”. When they let the top 3 go back to the waiting room, Fabio and Stefan executed a nice lip kiss. I was happy that the 2 I thought would be in the bottom 3 when the challenge began, ended up in the bottom 3. As I said before, I think Ariane has given up, she chose to play it safe and still screwed it up. Padma even said that she had to spit hers in her hand, ever since I found out she was married to Salman Rushdie, I knew she was a spitter (get that image out of your head). I thought the judges were going to get onto her for playing it safe, but they had bigger fish to fry. While we just watched people eat that dog food looking ostrich egg quiche, the judges had to actually eat it. I don't think they can be that forgiving when they're served something crappy. The guy who made the bad crab salad was lucky that his dish was at least nicely conceived, if poorly executed. NOTHING about the ostrich egg quiche (as an entree!) was appealing or well executed. Jill was stupid for thinking it up, serving it up and deserved to be packing it up. Jill pack your knives and go.

Next week, I think Dave Grohl will throw drumsticks at Ariane when she serves up next week's safe pile of crap. At this point I think it's the Europeans' year with Stefan and Fabio leading the way.

Jason is a Beefeater

I'm starting a new feature on this blog where I publish my comments from a restaurant's complaint form. I don't have a name for this feature yet, so if you'd like to offer one, leave a comment.

Today, I decided to give Jason's Deli a try. I intended to go to the Sub-Par Steak Co., but couldn't pull the trigger, deciding on Jason's Deli instead (they're in the same building downtown). I ordered the Beefeater, a roast beef sandwich with au jus. These are the comments I left on their feedback form.

I ordered a Beefeater po'boy and on the menu it says specifically that it comes with mayo and, most importantly, a cup of au jus. What I got was a roast beef sandwich with no mayo and no au jus. In my mind, the au jus is what makes the sandwich and what I had when I opened up my bag was an inedible lunch.

You may ask why, didn't you go back to get some au jus, and my answer would be that it's 30 degrees out, I have a small cold, and it's a couple of blocks to walk. Not to mention, the time commitment to walk it, acquire au jus, walk back and come back to my no longer hot meat sandwich.

This was just a completely disappointing lunch. This lunch brings my streak to 3 at Jason's. 3 straight disappointing lunches.

Muffin-Top Express

I can't say I'm really worried about the economic spiral our country is in, but I am worried about my wife suffocating me in my sleep....so recently we have started an effort to eat at home more, which in turn sparks more random purchases by me, negating any money saved. I will slowly chronicle each experience in my foray into the consumer packaged goods wasteland by posing this question about my first item.

What happens when the Boo Berry Ghost sexually violates the Cinnamon Toast Crunch chef? Malt-O-Meal's Blueberry Muffin Tops.


Ugh. Seriously people. I don't know how I am going to get through an entire bag of this. It basically tastes like those mini-snack muffins rolled in sugar with milk. The flakes(?) look almost exactly like pieces of Cinnamon Toast Crunch except for the blue specs. And the blue specs...holy hell the blueberry scent fills your entire house. My wife came a half hour after I willed myself through the bowl and could still smell it. But back to my original question...

I found this lovely, very sexual deviant-ish image of Mr. Boo Berry on the internets. He looks like he gets drunk off of his cereal, enough to go on a cereal raping spree. It's been a good two years since I've properly experienced some Boo Berry, but there is no way it could be as awful as the Muffin Tops. As far as the ghoul-cereal trifecta goes, Boo Berry has always stood at number two above the lowely Franken Berry. But I have another question...


Whatever happened to the other two Cinnamon Toast Crunch chefs? Why is the box of cereal magically levitating in this image? Doesn't the skinny one on the left look like he is going to do something criminal with that spoon?

Werner's Wurst Fest

Being a transplant to Kansas City means that I don't have many long-standing traditions that give me warm fuzzy feelings. Growing up in Wichita and living most of my 20's in Wichita I got used to certain food related traditions. As a kid we used to go to a place called Livingston's Diner where I fell in love with fried cauliflower. We used to go Ty's Diner for hamburgers and El Mexico for chili. As a college student, I ate deluxe enchiladas from the Cedar every Tuesday (when schooners of Coors Light were $2.50). As a grown up single dude I went to Taco Tico every Sunday for lunch for 49 cent tacos and went to Charlie's for frog legs after a round of golf. These are the kinds of places that make me most nostalgic, but being a Kansas Citian, I don't have access to them anymore.

But one thing that does make me feel as happy as any of those Wichita things and that is a Saturday afternoon grilled sausage from Werner's Specialty Foods (Johnson Dr. and Outlook in Mission). A guy stands out on the street corner with a charcoal grill, grilling Andouille, bratwurst, knackwurst, bier and cheese sausages. They have a makeshift counter where you go, stand in line and tell the counterworkers what sausage you want and the condiments. If you want ketchup, you'd better say it softly because if the grill guys hears you, he will yell at you. Mustard or spicy mustard are the only acceptable condiments. The grill guy has some other schtick also. If you order an Andouille he asks for your ID. It's a real enjoyable time.

I like to go into the store as well because I typically need a couple of pounds of Andouille for my weekday sausage needs and weekend jambalaya. Their deli case is a must for any German yenta with any kind of German wurst you may need. I noticed this weekend something called tongue blood sausage. While I don't particularly want that, I love to go to a deli that has it. The store is typically pretty busy on a Saturday afternoon as many families are getting some grilled sausage and getting their ethnic deli meats. I enjoy watching the people who are used to these deli items, order them from the deli person. They seem so happy to get their hard to find meat.

On weekdays they function as a regular deli, selling regular cold cut type sandwiches. I imagine that they are good enough for a lunch place blogger to try out and write about. I'll stick to the grilled sausages.

I'm going to enjoy taking my kids to Werner's on Saturday afternoons much as I have enjoyed the past 6 years of Werners. Someday I'll have memories as fond as those of Livingston's fried cauliflower.

Top Chef Week 1 Wrapup

So I was pretty excited yesterday when I realized that the Top Chef season premiere was going to show last night. For most of the day I had a culinary boner, well that's not completely true, more of a half truth. As is my custom, I did no preview reading and walked into the show cold, with no information, other than the show was set in New York this time. I don't normally commit to something like this because I don't like gimmicks and I typically only write posts when I have something interesting to say, but I think I can find enough interesting to write a Top Chef summary post every week. So here goes with the first of the season.

Seventeen chefs, sixteen coats, I would be pissed if I quit/left my job for 3 months and didn't even get a sweet Top Chef coat. But that's the scenario one of the unlucky chefs was presented with. A challenge in 3 parts and hopefully you're good at one of them. The first was peeling apples with a paring knife, which is a horrible task. The gude (gude = gay dude, is it wrong to call it out) who almost cut off his thumb sure did a nice job anyway. Then doing a brunoise of apple isn't that much better of a task. I guess they wanted to weed out those that weren't technically sharp. I was kind of shocked that 2 CIA (Culinary Institute of America) alumni/students were included in the 4 with poor knife skills. I don't think the instructors on the Hudson were too thrilled to see the 2 CIA affiliated chefs end up in the bottom 2. I don't think Colicchio much wanted an apple salad as the 2 CIA chefs made. For the record, the Jessica Biel looking girl's salad sure looked better to me. Not to Tom as he told her to take a hike.

Top Chef must not have a gigantic budget because they didn't put the crew up in Manhattan. We learned last night as they were moving in to their condo that there are only 3 gay chefs in the cast this year. But, 2 Europeans will also be involved so that gives us the gay quota we've come to expect from Top Chef. No faux hawks this year which is a disappointment, but one weird facial hair character. Not until about week 6 will I learn anyone's name. I took a couple of notes last night, but sadly none that actually help with anything so I'm stuck with notes like, Jill looks like Geena Davis, Leah looks like Meg Tilly and Jeffrey reminds me of Randall from Clerks. Time will tell if I learn their actual names or just call them by their look alike's names. On a related note, I had a friend in college that I called “Bearded Guy” because I couldn't remember his name. It's an endearing/infuriating quality of mine that I don't actually know anyone's name.

Last night's challenge was wicked hard. Each contestant chose a knife with a section of the city on it. Based on the section of the city, the chefs had to prepare a meal that would fit within that neighborhood; Chinatown – Chinese, Brighton Beach – Russia etc.. 2 chefs got each neighborhood and competed against each other. The loser of the head to head matchup went into the loser bracket and were put up against each other for elimination. This was a tough challenge because if you're not used to a certain ethnic cuisine, you're going to have a hell of a tough time cooking that cuisine. Except in the case of the dude who made the greek food and thought he made one thing, when in reality, he made something completely different. You would think since I took notes while watching, that I would have captured this crucial bit of information, but you'd be wrong, I captured none of that information.

What I did capture though, was Tom's displeasure with the girl that said she could cook any cuisine if she had a book. I think, at that moment, Tom had to be restrained from going over the table and choking the life out of that lady. I was shocked, shocked I tell you, that she didn't get eliminated, instead the gude who made chinese food with a black rice noodle he had neither worked with before or heard of before. I hope by the time he graduates from the CIA he will have learned that he shouldn't make important meals with ingredients he knows nothing about.

While last night's challenge was tough, it was greatly designed to get rid of the weakest link. Top Chef does a great job of weeding out the less talented chefs by making them cook that with which they are unfamiliar. Then when they have 6 or 7 pros they challenge them to cook within their specialties. It always makes me laugh when the chefs get snooty about the vending machine or the convenience store type challenges. I always think f... you loser, 75% of Americans eat out of vending machines and convenience stores, we want to be inspired about what that food can become rather than what fabulous thing the chefs can do to foie gras. Foie gras is fine, but I'm not eating it more that twice a year, I want a chef who can make a good hamburger, pizza, or pasta sauce. To me, that is what a Top Chef can do, take the ordinary and make it extraordinary. For that, Top Chef usually delivers. I can't wait to see what foods the rest of this season give me a culinary boner.

Fast Food Death

Today I noticed that Kansas City's last fast food hamburger restaurant, McDonald's closed its doors for good. Speculation is that they couldn't come to terms on a lease with City Center Square (Speculation = Scoot Utopia). McDonald's wanted to be open extended hours, weeknights and weekends and City Center Square didn't want that. So now, they have a big empty space in their food court.

My concern, though, is not for the City Center Square hooligans but, the downtown worker. I'm not a huge McDonald's fan, in fact I had my first McDonald's double cheeseburger earlier this week because I heard they were going off the dollar menu. I think I've eaten at McDonald's about 8 times in the past year and I guarantee you that 6 of those times happened because I wanted a quick, cheap hamburger and McDonald's was my only option downtown. We used to have a Winstead's, but service there was horrible and they closed up shop. We're pretty much left with the Subway, Quizno's, Jimmy John's troika and the wonderful Chipotle (if you have 20 minutes to wait in line). Not that those are bad places, they just don't give you the greasy options you may be seeking.

I took the time to make a map (click below for a better view) of fast food options for downtown workers. I added the top ten fast food restaurants (by size) that serve this market as well as Chipotle, Quizno's and Jimmy John's. You'll notice that the big 3 of McDonald's, Wendy's and Burger King are all way up Main in midtown. Taco Bell is up there too. We have a KFC express, but they have a limited menu that doesn't include actual fried chicken, just chicken sandwiches and hot wings. Pizza Hut is, well, it's Pizza Hut.

View Larger Map
The downtown worker has ChefBurger, and that's it for a quick burger. But, you can't really eat ChefBurger every day. I've been racking my brain and I can't figure out where to get a quick, cheap hamburger in this cowtown's downtown. It seems odd that we don't have fast food hamburgers in downtown KC.

Glory Day at Subway

I'm a frequent eater at the Subway in the food court at 12th and Main. A Subway in which I've never received a greeting, a thank you or any words that make me think that my business is appreciated. It is simply the Subway with the worst customer service in town.

Like any frequent Subway customer, I had my favorite sandwich artists. But, in this Subway, favorite is a relative term because the best one is no better than the worst one at a normal Subway. Over the years, I've noted the 5 different people employed and sometimes skip my sandwich altogether if the rotation isn't right or if the lady with needle marks and scabs is touching the meat or produce.

But, today when I got my sandwich, I was treated to a whole new crew. None of the old crew was visible. One of the new people even said hi to me. Unprecedented! Also, the new guy threw a new procedure at me, he cut my cold cuts in half and folded them together before placing them on my bread. This way the meat doesn't hang over the sides like a turned out sorority girl after a roofie at a frat party. Not since the cessation of the v-cut has Subway made the sandwich less trampy (and no, I don't put mayonnaise on my sandwich).

One other thing about Subway today was the absence of a line. Usually, the line is about 10 deep. I think it's the new crew getting the sandwiches made a little faster, but I could be wrong.

Good riddance, old Subway crew. I think we should stick to the new crew.

Let Freestuff Ring

I was visibly giddy all day yesterday. I voted with my family a week prior to the election and had my daughter where my "I voted" sticker to pose for some pictures. That would prove to be a huge mistake as all of the "free food item with voting sticker" promotions started rolling out. My wife still had hers, and since she works in the middle of nowhere, I would just take hers...until she left Tuesday morning without giving it to me. By the grace of all that is good, my carpool companion showed up with two stickers and it was on.

I-35 was completely backed up, so it provided a good excuse to take side roads and conveniently guide us past the Krispy Kreme on Antioch and Shawnee Mission Parkway. They were giving out free, patriotic sprinkle donuts. The sprinkles and icing tasted like crap and there was no glaze on the donut. Normally, I feel the glaze is just a little too much, but eating a Krispy Kreme without made me realize how necessary it is to make those things edible. Eating that donut was comparible to the first time you see one of your spank bank movie stars without make-up on.

The next stop was for a free cup of coffee at Starbucks. I will preface this with that fact that I had never tried coffee until yesterday. After yesterday, I will never try it again. Ack. My tongue is burnt. It tasted like ass. I can't believe you people waste your time and money drinking this stuff. Although, now I understand why half of the people in line were still ordering their various coffee-ish drinks that cost money yesterday rather than taking the free stuff.

I tried to talk some co-workers into a free beer at McCoy's, but that was a no-go. My list hope for something free was stopping by Chick-fil-A on the way home. I got off an exit early to quickly swing by, turned onto the access road and then proceeded to try and find the quickest way to get the hell out. Complete insanity at Chick-fil-A. After seeing all the people inside on our drive-by, I had to turn into the sea of cars in order to get to the best exit to get home. There is no way a chicken sandwich was worth putting up with that crap. I love free stuff, but people need to learn when to draw the line. Is a $3 item really worth 30-60 minutes of your life?