Snake in the Grass

Back in August, I found myself in a strange liquor store looking for something new. That's when I spotted a few beers called Tallgrass, which was apparently a new brewery out of Manhattan, KS...home of my alma mater. That was enough to peak my interest and I decided to try their Ale. As I was pulling it out of the cooler, one of the employees starting talking about it and said it wasn't too bad. He slightly recommended the ale, but said he wasn't sure about the wheat which he had on a drunken night and thought it tasted like hot dogs. Well, that was more than enough to rope me into buying both...

The ale? Not bad. The wheat? Seriously tastes like hot dog water. Like you took the juice out of a package of hot dogs and mixed it with your drink. It might be one of the worst beers I've had in my life. I thought maybe I got a bad batch, so I made sure to try it when I was at this year's KC Beerfest. Just as bad on tap.

On a trip the liquor store this weekend, I happened upon a new color in the Tallgrass section. They've got a fresh new green box to go with their new IPA offering. I'm a fool for a decent IPA, so I went ahead and picked up some. That night I went home and had a wide variety of beers from New Belgium Giddy Up (now available in bottles in the Folly Pack) to Boulevard's Sixth Glass and BBQ. The Tallgrass IPA was the last of the beers I tried that night, and I completely loved it. I ended up cracking open three of them before heading to bed, excited about being able to write a glowing review for Tallgrass.

After I took the above photo, I cracked the bottle open to confirm the previous night's exploits. The other two bottles remain in the fridge this night. I can only assume on that first night, I fell victim to the drinker's blessing/curse of things tasting better the more you toss back. Their packaging is good and the bottle labeling looks stellar IMO, but when it comes to that taste of all of the offerings, the bad traits just seem to linger in my mouth. While I wouldn't call it a bad beer, I would hesitate before buying it again compared to other offerings in the market.

The Tallgrass website touts the IPA as "the first IPA brewed, bottled, and on tap in the Great Plains region." Congrats on beating Boulevard's Single-Wide out to market by a few months. When it comes to comparing the taste of the two, Tallgrass may have benefited from the extra development.

Flame On!

As reported in an earlier post, Burger King has released their first entry into the cologne market with Flame. Because I am a whore for anything consumable, and this was somewhat food related, I ordered some from the only online retailer. It looks like the stuff is currently on back order. My package arrived on Christmas Eve and I slid it into my stocking.

I gave the stuff its first real go around this evening at the grand unveiling of Dan's beer at 75th St Brewery. No one seemed overly offended by my scent. You might think or be lead to believe that a Burger King cologne smells like flame-broiled meat to some extent. It doesn't. I'm not really sure how to describe it. It smells like $4 worth of cologne.

Fire meets desire... I'm pretty sure the only desire it insights from my wife is to light me on fire. The best use for Flame may be to leave it in your car to cover up any lingering scent of keeping Burger King food in your car for an extended trip home from the drive-thru.

Happy Holidays

When the Hot Blog looks under the Christmas tree, it warms our heart to find gifts of the fooding kind.

In the beginning

After a "soft opening" that has lasted three months now, I figured it was time to get around to a post I buried. Hot Blog on a Stick is my (Chimpotle) brain child in an effort to get in on the free food and drink opportunities abound on the internet. Bull E Vard is my fellow contributor when he gets tired of being Kansas City's eighth best beer blogger and becomes the nineteenth best food blogger.

Aside from the introductions, the true meat of this post is the logo I created in my head. I had a number of offers to look at graphic art interpretations, but I wanted something substantial. Something beautiful. I purchased three different varieties of corn dogs in the name of art and ate them all in the name of obesity. If you are cooking via microwave, Oscar Meyer has the hands down best offering due to their individually wrapped dogs with microwavable bag. It is the golden brown one on the bottom below. Bar-S is the one above it, which are complete ass.

The hardest part was figuring out how to write on a corn dog. The nozzle on top of mustard is just obscenely large. I bought some Easy Cheese, which was great practice, but not the look I wanted nor a healthy addition to the process. That's when my wife came home with a mini-syringe...

Sandwich Pal fills all of my edible mustard needs, but this French's did well for its purpose. Plus, the chunks of jalapeno in Sandwich Pal don't lend themselves to being shot out of a needle point. After learning the pressure needed for an even stroke and avoiding the watery portions from getting in the syringe, I reached my final goal.


The backing behind the dog is what I used for the site. I added numerous grease stains and mustard spots of authenticity. After completion, Bull E Vard asked me how many corn dogs I ate during what turned out to be a two day process. I said the more important question was how many corn dogs did I fellate clean during the process. I didn't feel like I could throw them out, and eating them became out of the question. So the only real option was taking a shot to the mouth for the team to wipe the slate clean. At one point, I had licked a corn dog raw if that's even possible.

After that last paragraph, I thought a picture of my daughter would be appropriate. At the end of the shoot, she made a dash for the corn dog as evidenced by the mustard on her hands. Her double-chin also serves as evidence that Hot Blog on a Stick will be in capable hands for decades to come.

In case you were hungry

If there's one thing I know, it's encased meats, but even this is a little TMI. If you don't have five minutes to spare, my personal highlights are around the 20-second and the 2-minute marks.

Flame

It appears that Burger King has upped the ante in the burger wars. Why's that you ask? Because they've released a new meat scented body spray called Flame. I'm not kidding you, you need to go to their website (Firemeetsdesire.com, I wonder how much that cost them) and click on the spray a couple of times. You will be rewarded with the King nude on a bear rug with only a cloth covering his condiments. From the product description...

The Whopper is America's favorite burger. Flame by BK captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame broiled meat.

I believe it is only available at Firemeetsdesire.com.

Colonel Bobblehead

While researching my lunch options today I found this wonderful Colonel Sanders bobblehead. Who wouldn't want one of these?

A little project for your weekend...

Celestial Showdown, Round 2

VS


Smell:
Gingerbread Spice smells nothing like gingerbread. It’s more like the combination of cinnamon and sugar some people put into shakers. Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride is the most dead on smell of the four teas. If you didn’t know better, you’d swear you were balls deep in a bowl of sugar cookie dough.

Winner: Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride


Appearance:
Gingerbread Spice has a nice brown tint to it. Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride is a little cream-ish. Both colors pretty much are accurate portrayals of the cookie counterpart.

Winner: Draw


Taste:
Much like it smells, Gingerbread Spice tastes nothing like gingerbread. Anyone who knows me or has seen me can probably tell you I know how to eff up a batch of gingerbread cookies. This is the greatest disappointment of the competition. I am a fanatic for ginger snaps and gingerbread. It doesn’t necessarily taste bad, just kind of dull. Meanwhile, Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride completely kills it. This stuff is straight up sugar cookie goodness.

Winner: Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride


The final verdict? In what is no doubt a personal upset, Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride basically pistol whipped Gingerbread Spice on it’s way to the finals.

Celestial Showdown, Round 1

VS


Smell:
Candy Cane Lane smells like delicious mint. I don’t know if I would call it peppermint like an actual candy cane though, more like if you turned Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies into a tea. If you have ever smelled a bag of potpourri or gone into a Michael’s craft store, you know what Sugar Plum Spice smells like. Do you like drinking perfumed flowers? I have no idea what a plum smells like, but if it is like this, I’ve made a wise decision to have never eaten one to this point in my life.

Winner: Candy Cane Lane


Appearance:
Candy Cane Lane is the only green tea of the bunch, so it looks a little off putting at the beginning. After steeping for a bit, it takes a little bit of a red color and ends up looking like a cup of cider. The Sugar Plum Spice is pretty much bright red from beginning to end and looks exactly like what you would expect.

Winner: Sugar Plum Spice


Taste:
Candy Cane Lane = soaking a Thin Mint in hot water. Much like beer, part of the joy of drinking tea is the smell before the taste, and Candy Cane Lane smells so nice it’s almost disappointing when you taste it and realize it’s less hot coco with mint and more hot ass water. The Sugar Plum Spice is definitely a fuller flavor. Fruity with a spice-y undertone. Definitely a lot more sugar. I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Winner: Candy Can Lane


The final verdict? Candy Cane Lane lives up to its number 1 seed and wins two out of the three criteria. But who will it face out of the cookie bracket?

Feels like an Arby's Night

I'm not sure free is cheap enough for me to eat at Arby's but Arby's is offering a free roast beef sandwich with any purchase (just click on the link). I suppose you could choke down a jamocha shake (they still have those don't they) if it meant a free roast beef sandwich. I guarantee I wouldn't use any horsey sauce on my sandwich. Really could Arby's be less appetizing? I don't think so.

Sweet Potato Snack

Don't let the Japanese script on the packaging fool you, these sweet potato snacks are not to be feared. They have a texture reminiscent of hot fries with a puffed middle and shaped more like a waffle fry. They really do taste like sweet potatoes, but aren't overly sweet. Then to bring this snack up legen.. wait for it.. dary status, each fry has one or two black sesame seeds. The Nong Shim Sweet Potato Snack is a truly addictive snack.

One of my coworkers brought in a bag and set them on the table outside of her cube. I became a frequent visitor over the course of the day. I had to ask where to get them. She got her bag at what she called a Korean market, but is really the Oriental Super Market (10336 Metcalf) at 103th and Metcalf, by the Rainbow Korean restaurant and Jose Peppers. I'm going to eat my weight in these things this month.

Celestial Showdown

Due to what I can only guess is my habit of sharing Dum-Dum suckers with my infant daughter, I came down with the worst head cold ever in time to head back to the office after a long weekend. It was my intention to pack up some of our Republic of Tea bags and enjoy them at the office, but that didn't happen. So I checked the beverage cart in the break room and we are apparently decked out with a full line of Celestial Seasonings products. As it so happens, we have four holiday themes flavors which I have mentally pitted in a tournament of my tastebuds.

I have seeded each tea based off of the descriptive name and my known tastes:

1. 
2. 
3. 
4. 

Normally, gingerbread would be number one, but I also love me some mint and that flavor carries more clout in the realm of hot beverages. I have never eaten a plum or desire to, so it figures in last. Stay tuned for this battle of goliaths.