The Proof is in the Provel

My first experience with Provel cheese was during my bachelor party. It was late on the first night, I was pretty drunk on the Landing in St Louis and was jonesing for something to eat. The group decided some pizza would be good, so we stopped and ordered one. The pizza comes out, and I grab a piece as fast as I can. Once that first bite hit the roof of my mouth...I spit it out and thought I was going to hurl. My buzz had been replaced with an uneasy stomach and that first night was officially over. Over the course of the following two days, there were a number of things in or around my mouth I regret, but St Louis-style pizza was the one thing burned into my mind.

Today, I made only my second ever attempt at eating a pizza with Provel cheese on it. For those who don't know, Provel is a processed cheese made out of a blend of provolone, swiss and cheddar. You can find it shredded or in large blocks looking something like Velvetta...except it's white. When it melts down, it's becomes a runny mess. It was that runny texture that hit my mouth during the bachelor party and had me dry heaving. It definitely has a place in the Top 10 worst food-related items I have put in my mouth. Seriously, look at that picture above. It looks like ejaculate is a featured topping, which might explain why people from St Louis (and Bull E Vard) enjoy it so much.

At lunch today, I tried at Leo's Pizza in the Northland, who uses Provel as their featured cheese. Knowing what I was in for made the experience a bit easier to swallow. Still, who enjoys eating this crap? The cheese just sticks to your teeth and it gives you that mucusy feeling like if you drank a big glass of milk while having a head cold.