Wednesday, January 7, 2009

The Proof is in the Provel

My first experience with Provel cheese was during my bachelor party. It was late on the first night, I was pretty drunk on the Landing in St Louis and was jonesing for something to eat. The group decided some pizza would be good, so we stopped and ordered one. The pizza comes out, and I grab a piece as fast as I can. Once that first bite hit the roof of my mouth...I spit it out and thought I was going to hurl. My buzz had been replaced with an uneasy stomach and that first night was officially over. Over the course of the following two days, there were a number of things in or around my mouth I regret, but St Louis-style pizza was the one thing burned into my mind.

Today, I made only my second ever attempt at eating a pizza with Provel cheese on it. For those who don't know, Provel is a processed cheese made out of a blend of provolone, swiss and cheddar. You can find it shredded or in large blocks looking something like Velvetta...except it's white. When it melts down, it's becomes a runny mess. It was that runny texture that hit my mouth during the bachelor party and had me dry heaving. It definitely has a place in the Top 10 worst food-related items I have put in my mouth. Seriously, look at that picture above. It looks like ejaculate is a featured topping, which might explain why people from St Louis (and Bull E Vard) enjoy it so much.

At lunch today, I tried at Leo's Pizza in the Northland, who uses Provel as their featured cheese. Knowing what I was in for made the experience a bit easier to swallow. Still, who enjoys eating this crap? The cheese just sticks to your teeth and it gives you that mucusy feeling like if you drank a big glass of milk while having a head cold.


Average Jane said...

That must be what Imo's Pizza uses. Can't stand the stuff.

May said...

Yeah, that's what Imo's uses and I love it. I love the taste and the mouth feel doesn't bug me.

Unknown said...

For the record I dislike St. Louis style pizza like Imo's and I dislike provel cheese.

Applecart T. said...

As someone who is trying to give up corn dogs (and doing a pretty good job lately) who happens to be from St. Louis, where Imo's and everyone else uses that cheese — it must be one of those things, like the "toasted" (fried) ravioli — I have to say that if you grew up eating it, you would love it.

Now, I'm starving for pizza. And Imo's isn't open!

Anonymous said...

I love it. LOVE. Love. Nice meeting you & Mrs. C yesterday!

Robby said...

Provel is an abomination creation that consists of Swiss, Cheddar & Provolone. It was supposedly created in the immigrant Italian section of St. Louis referred to as "the Hill". I have to assume that this is a proletariat creation for financial reasons. Less ingredients with the thin crust and three-combo cheese would cost less but with an overwhelming taste.

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