Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Death By Food: Cheddar's Edition

I hope you're happy smh. Cheddar's officially opened on Monday, December 14, and I was there on Tuesday. I packed up the family. I drove down the street. I took the first step towards the end of my life by eating the "Cheddar's favorite" Monte Cristo.


2 kinds of meat. 2 kinds of cheese. Battered & fried. Served with powdered sugar and raspberry preserves. It's no wonder that I fit comfortably into a standard Cheddar's booth if that is a favorite item of the normal Cheddar's customer. IT'S A MEAT FUNNEL CAKE WITH DIPPING JAM. I think my wife was actually concerned for my life.

It was good, but I could never eat one again. I was fine with it after the first corner. The second corner had me at full capacity. Corners three and four were an act of self-hate. I would compare it to a night of drinking shots, and you end up throwing up and can never go back to that liquor again. The only good thing that came out of the evening was that I was so full that I had no desire to eat my fries, which were horrendous. Easily in the top five worst fries I've had in my life. I would rather eat Burger King fries.

As for my take on Cheddar's as a whole, it's OK. It looks like Houlihan's and tastes like Applebee's. Actually, it may taste better than Applebee's, but only because Cheddar's likely uses twice the fat content in their food. Prices seem pretty cheap, with only a couple steaks slipping over the $10 mark. Due to the quality of their fries and my wife's red beans & rice looking so bad I declined to taste them, you should definitely do yourself a favor and opt for a fresh vegetable side to help offset the lard injection from your entree. If someone wanted to eat near my house, I would go back. But that is more of a statement against TGI Friday's, Applebee's Outback, Mimi's, etc than in favor of Cheddar's.

7 comments:

Christy said...

Aaaaaaaand I am now far less intrigued by Cheddar's. Thanks!

(Like I would actually give up my restaurant dollars to anything other than Houlihan's in that area, anyways)

smh said...

Chimp, you are my hero. Thanks for going and trying the place. For the record, I HATE the Monte Cristo. It is so crazy rich I can't handle it. And I avoid fries. I typically get the Chicken Tender with a side of steamed broccoli. But, really thanks for going, and putting my name in your post. My girlfriend is going to be impressed (not to mention my parents) when I get a chance to show them.

I'm essentially famous now. Still, you must say that Cheddar's is clearly of a higher quality than Applebee's which is essentially microwaved shit (riblets anyone? Anyone?).

Anonymous said...

I LOVE Cheddars, I hope it is the same as the ones in TX

Anonymous said...

Without having been there, I would have to assume that Cheddar's does, in fact, post menu descriptions. Assuming that they do, my questions to you is "what the hell were you thinking?' If you're looking for "healthy" check on the menu for the word "salad" or "fish".

The simple fact that you state that Houilhan's serves "quality food" shows you have no credibility whatsoever.

Chimpotle said...

Anon2, did you even read the post and/or have you been to this site before? I didn't want something healthy, I rarely ever do. I'm also unsure how "It looks like Houlihan's" translates into me saying Houlihan's has "quality food." Generally, the use of "quotes" signifies something that was actually "said" in the "post."

Monte C. said...

Dude, you write well, but you need to man-up. That funnel-cake-battered slice of heaven is AWESOME. You hurled? And felt guilty? Really? That's girly stuff.

But since this IS your blog maybe I should stop bustin' your ... uh ... ovaries. And maybe I shouldn't suggest that 'ChimpMUNK' might be more appropriate.

So now I'm going to assume you were playing the victim for dramatic effect. Because this IS an otherwise pretty nice blog.

I'll be back to see if you've manned-up enough to leave this up. Or maybe even taken a good-natured swipe back at me. C'mon, you're a writer ... come back at me from the top rope!

Johnny Ronje said...

I don't appreciate people talking about my restaurant like it's some fast food bullshit place. I happen to be a cook there and have been for 2 years. I love my job and love what I do for people. The food is prepped and made from scratch which ensures great quality food but my personal favorite is the monte Cristo and the buff wrappers healthy or not it's all great food, maybe not for your taste but there's a red lobster and golden corral right next door if your not happy.